This page is dedicated to those with too much time on their hands, sick and twisted views on sex and women, or mental disorders – (if you have a doctors note it IS NOT an excuse for sending out emails like these.) Please try to imagine an ASP’s surprise when checking her email and finding a lovely little jewel such as one of these. We all know nothing pleases an ASP more than having explicit illegal questions asked, along with suggestions for services that boggle the mind and/or loony marriage proposals and declarations of love! If you have ever sent an ASP an email such as this – PLEASE RETIRE FROM THE HOBBY ASAP!
You're Kidding Right?
"You have excellent reviews, sounds very appealing, could you give me complete information on your services, I am visiting XXXXXX for just a few days. XOXO" John Doe
"hi darling i m ZZZ from India i m a male model-24 years of age looking for a USA girl for marriage i think ur suitable for me i like u i love u and want to marry u i want to establish mi business in USA i m ready to pay ur willing price for the marriage reply me soon with lots of love bye" ZZZ
"hi I am wondering how much it would cost for a blowjob if i live in Genoa City"
"ABC, I was just wondering....what are your thoughts on UTF?"
Tempting very tempting... if only he had better spelling and grammer.
Oh please do bring one so I will end up on some porn site, which is my fantasy... again rolling my eyes.
"I would love to set up a appt with you for Friday morning. I do have one question can I bring a camera?"
Please call 1-800-locateagloryholenearU.
"Hello Hottie- I found your contact info on xxxx source. I know you're based in southern XX. Are you available for travel to xxx xxxxxxxxxx for a weekend excursion...all expenses paid, of course. Also, with a valid STD test is bareback full service available? warmest regards," STD Man
| "Hello there I just found out that, I’ll be traveling through your area next week on business. Like any good present day traveler, once I found when and where I’d be traveling too, I jumped on-line too search out the finest hotels, restaurants, night clubs & escorts in the surrounding area of where I’ll be staying. When I found your profile I knew that you where what I was looking for in terms of physical appearance. So now I’m contacting you to find out if your services, rates and availability are just as well-suited. Sitting here attempting put in plain words what I’m looking for I realize that there is no easy way to ask other than being straightforward. I looking for a lady that is open minded to physical play, now I don’t mean anything extreme or excessive, but what I do mean is someone open to having her Hair pulled, face fucking, slaps on the behind and abusive language. Nothing hazardous or unsafe, but some somewhat physical adult fun! Are these things you would be willing to provide? Please answer back at you earliest connivance sincerely John Doe II" |
| "Hey Sexy Lady, I found you on xxxxxx Escort Finder. Do you travel? If yes, would you do an overnight travel date to the Space Station and for what rate? Please let me know. I look foward to hearing back. Thanks! Sniffer *********************** Hi Sniffer Yes, I travel a bit I ask 2000 plus expenses for overnight travel dates. Have you seen my site yet? xoxo Sexy Lady ************************ Hey Sexy Lady, Thanks for your quick response. I think your rate is fair and am definately interested in a travel overnight. I must admit I have never done a travel overnight before so I am naturally a bit nervous. But, I like your photos and you seem really cool just talking on email so that makes me feel a lot better. I do have one request to make before I setup the date and I hope you understand why I am making it. Because I have never done this before and have never seen you before, I would like to make sure I am comfortable with your smell first since every girl is different, as I have learned. So I would like to receive a thong you have worn for a full day to be sure I am comfortable with how your puss smells before I commit to the date. It can be an old thong you don't care about anymore. It does not have to be anything fancy. As long as you wear it all day so it smells like puss first, I will be fine with it. You can just mail it to me. If I am comfortable with how your worn thong smells I should be ready to setup a date. Let me know if this is okay. I am excited about you! Thanks! Sniffer ************************* what is your address? I'd be more than happy to send one Sexy Lady ************************** You really don't mind? I don't want to make you uncomfortable by doing this. I just know that an overnight date is expensive and your vagina is an important part of the date. . . and I know every girl is different. So I would want to have the girl wear a thong for a day or so to get it stinking like her vagina and then smell the thong to be sure I am comfortable with how her puss smells. I'm going to smell it when you get here anyway so I might as well be sure I am comfortable with how it smells in advance before I setup the date. So are you really okay with this? How long will you wear the thong? Will you get it stinking like your vagina? Will I be able to smell puss on it? Please let me know. I am excited you are open to this. This makes me want to see you more. Let me know! Thanks! (Can't wait to smell that stinky vagina!) Sniffer |
| "I want to see if I can find what I have set up in LA 1 and only 1 ongoing friend... More than just FS/GFE, but a real friend. FYI Sorry this is so long and in an email, but it seems to keep the scam agencies away. Somewhat of a public figure (Old School) so discretion and honesty are the keys. Searching for a ongoing female friend... would you be interested? Looking for a GFE /FS/Inclusive -make out artist/DFK -kisser - unrestricted (prefer uncovered, never had STD in my life - married) no clock watcher for Social and Adult play. In call only, I can not host. I could use a female friend tonight!. No big Drama or tears, just need to hold, play, chat, kiss You know I know U know......In major need of an ongoing female play friend. And I am Really great with my hands, massage, lips, tongue, teeth..... a giver. "Older than dirt" gent (Not "Dirty Old" well then again.....) 55 successful orbits around Sol, MWM, very discrete, 5' 11" 280 xxxl fit (Not Buff) Brown Long, Blue, D&D free, super clean - you be too (Doc certified, fixed - prefer uncovered), very oral & Massage giver (NYC Theatre Trained), cocktail & 420 friendly (can u bring kush?) Travel a great deal, Home in MR.Smart Guy Town. Places Santa Monica & NYC Very Real Entertainment Industry (Music) Executive Businesses Owner Love to Explore, Have Adventures and adult Play with 1 special female friend Picture & Number upon request." John Doe |
| " ABC, Position available for your consideration: Executive assistant (short or long-term) in XXXXXX Beach, and, FL. Position provides you: Income about $500 - $1000 plus, per week (depends on how much you want, need and your availability to work with me) and a home within minutes of the ocean (rent free for you) Requirements: You be able to relocate and travel as indicated Additional requirements for you: Not in a relationship, no children, no drugs, no alcohol abuse, no cigarette smoking inside the home or the sports car If interested: 1. Send a full-length picture with this response 2. Provide a phone number if you are available to relocate at this time 3. Tell me the big picture about your current situation in life Note: I am looking for an open relationship too This is a serious offer. |
| “I’m a labor economist researching the escort market and got your email off the internet. I’m hoping to collect some field evidence from current or formers workers in this profession. Any feedback that you could give would be great, and will of course be kept completely confidential and used for research purposes only. 1. Do you still provide escort or companionship services? a. Yes, I’m still active. b. No, I’m no longer active. 2. If you are no longer active, what led you to change professions? (Indicate any that apply.) a. A relationship. b. Children or other family responsibilities. c. Better or different job. d. Other (please feel free to specify) ________________... 3. Did or do your find that your escort or companionship work affects your love life? a. Yes, I can’t/could date much while working. b. Somewhat, although as an escort, you date less. c. No, I still could date as much as I did before. d. Not applicable. I could stay involved in a committed relationship. 4. In your opinion, how common is unsafe sex in the escort market? a. No, condoms are always used. b. Very rarely. c. Sometimes, depends on the client’s preferences. d. Common. Thank you for your participation! Nosy Ass Nelly!” |
| " dumbass@yahoo.com wrote: Hey I was wondering how much you charge and for how long? http://www.sexy.com ABC dumbass@yahoo.com wrote: Are you availableI am available today but would need to screen you. ABC dumbass@yahoo.com wrote: My name is Dumbass I was also interested in speaking to you about maybe recruting you. I could provide the diffrent benifits that I could provide you with if you were interested. I was looking for outcall for about 30 min so let me know if I provided the right iformation. Thanks,Dumbass What benefits are those? ABC dumbass@yahoo.com wrote: Well I do offer transportation for outcalls. A very discreet place for incalls and 24 hour protection and more things that we could discuss. Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile So you are a pimp? ABCdumbass@yahoo.com wrote: I really don't like the word pimp but you could say that. I mean is it something you might be interested in? LOL uh no. good luck with all that though. ABC dumbass@yahoo.com wrote: Why not? Hmm there is that slight possibility that most women who have any functioning brain cells, just simply don't like the idea of a lazy-jealous-of-the-vagina man trying to make money off their body. That is just a thought though. I mean what do I know? I am just a chick who obviously needs a pimp to show me the way lol!!! By the way you probably should not try to sugar coat it, or pretend you want an appointment. A pimp is what you want to be, so you should probably just own it, and run right out and get your big ol purple fur coat and top hat. I will say this though, if I ever lose my mind and decide I need a man to figure it all out for me, so he can benefit himself off me, I will go ahead and look you up, but in the meantime I suggest you don't contact me again unless you want to take me up on the offer below. Best Wishes, ABC - P.S. When this doesn't work out for you, I am sure I could do the same for you as I have a few male friends who would love a chance at your ass. Please let me know if you would like to make some extra cash. I will split the take with you 50/50. You aren't going to find a better deal out there! I promise to only beat you if you are a bad bad boy and don't make enough money for me to get my gold teeth. ABC dumbass@yahoo.com wrote:Lol I like that joke but if you had some girls that are willing to pay ill show them a good time. Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile Alright sweetie you are obviously just a little boy trying to play in the big league. I think it is past your bedtime now and your mommy is calling you. I will not be responding any further. Nighty Night!" ABC |
NEW!
"Horny as hell and have plenty of cash....how quick can you get to Westyville? Oh, and by the way, white 30something professional, cute, creative, attached, fun...your good kind of client :p (at least I assume, since I have never done this b4, but its what I would want if I were you at least)..."
"Just saw your ad online. i'm in Witchfield at the events center and the new apts there. I'm 32, 155lbs, just bored after playing guitar hero all night. i don't have to work until noon so I'm just trying to find something to do which might include you!" Dick XXX-877-XXXX
"black stud 12.5 inches rock hard and very thick girth"
"I am in town on business staying at the XXX Suites and I am looking for a true GFE. I have never used a service before but I am looking for something that is more like I would have if I were home with my girlfriend. Without saying to much I think you know what I mean. Nothing is a "NO" except maybe one thing but that depends on the lady. If your available this evening, can we set something up?"
"Hi, I'd pay $200 for an out call bareback FS or bareback Greek . Let me know. Thanks!"
"Do you want to make it !!!!!!!!!! You have to like Fingering some oral and message -insertion or you have to bring something with to insert it on you dildo is fine otherwise , will use candles or anything else Well, all what you have to do to get this offer: - Send me an email to this email xxx@123.cum with your picture and your contact number To recognize each other, Biff Rippingham"
"Hello Pretty Lady, Let me just say that you are ultra-sexy and ultra-cute.....let me know when you get here, to Harryville that is. I would definitely enjoy spending some time with you. I do couple's shows with a friend of mine in the area once a week, just in case that's something that you provide for your clients, keep it in mind. I've attached a photo of myself for you, so let me know what you think. The self-taken photo is from Mexico in early April; the other from a park with my son last week. Take care, and kudos to your photos...very well done. Dr. Douchebag"
"Hi Pretty Lady, I really want to hookup with you if your free this Thursday Afternoon or Evening . Everytime I save money to try to book an appointment with you something comes up with my family has money issue. Currently, I'm unemployed and I really would like to see you but... I do not know if you have a soft heart and be willing to see me or not because it always been my dream to see you for 3 hours to 4 hours because my fantasy is to be with a mature porn star. If, you can fulfilled my dream and fantasy to be with you and you have a soft heart please Email me back I really want to see you but currently I'm unemployed. Thanks, Freebie Fred P.S Do not be offend ok I just been frustrated been wanting to see you for any years."
"My name is Got it all Backwards, to be straight and too the point i'm not the kind of guy that needs to pay for anything like this. The reason i'm replying to your ad is because i'm looking for a friends with benefits type of situation. I'm looking for a girl that enjoys passionate and frequent sex for what it is. I've got a lot to offer, i'm a tall, good looking guy in excellent shape. And i know what i'm doing when it comes to the "benefits" side of the matter haha Listen, this is an opportunity to get to know a really cool guy, smart, level headed, driven, experienced and capable. Let me know, Got it all Backwards"
"hi im john 29 from Cranberryville. i am italian good looking with a charming personality and great sense of humor.....i have a fantastic job well over 6 figs and own a huge house in western cranston i am serious and poss looking to spoil the right women...i am looking for someone to do fine dining and weekend getaways and whatever else sound good at the time...i look foward to hearing back from you maybe with a face pic and i will return the favor ...either way good luck..... john BTW i love volumptous women they drive me crazy ......."